Writer, reviewer and all round good egg Alan Shaw has agreed to take on a series of Fringe-related challenges for Entertainment Now. Here he joins the circus – with Magnus and Nathan from Circus The Show – and finds himself in the grip of a real live nightmare.
EVER have your childhood nightmare re-enacted in real life?
I have.
And it was all “thanks” to those lovely men behind Circus – The Show but mainly ringmaster Magnus D. Magnus (the ‘D’ stands for Danger) and his sidekick Nathan “The Clown”.
Now, if you suffer from coulrophobia, the morbid fear of clowns, this is already sounding bad enough but I don’t.
No, what I do have is a terror that stems from 60s TV spy show The Prisoner.
No, I didn’t see it when it was first broadcast, you cheeky lot, I caught the repeats. And then bought it on VHS. Yes, I’m old.
Long story short, The Prisoner was about Patrick McGoohan’s secret agent who tries to retire, only to find himself renditioned to “the Village”, a bizarre place patrolled by what I can only describe as a large, white balloon called Rover.
Doesn’t sound that frightening? Well, maybe not but there was something about Pat McG running across a beach before being pounced upon by the aforementioned inflatable sentry that truly traumatised me, especially when the camera closed in on Rover’s rubber stretched over McGoohan’s screaming face.
I’m sweating just typing this.
But we must face our fears – apparently – so when Sam Hume, the magician genius behind sell-out Aussie family circus sensation Circus – The Show plus his aforementioned partners in crime said they were going top “pop you into a big balloon”, all I could do was squeak, “OK”.
Clue The Clown appearing with what I can only describe as a deflated space hopper, grinning, “Get in!”.
If I wasn’t anxious enough, Magnus D. Magnus leaned over and whispered, “Don’t be like EVERYONE else who we’ve tried to get into one, they wimp out when it goes over their head…”
To be honest, getting it onto my head was just about the worst bit, when it was around my neck I just felt like an overweight Belisha Beacon.
The trick – which I won’t divulge – was getting it over my shoulders but then I was told to crouch as Magnus and The Clown yanked the balloon down over my legs and I was in!
Bizarrely, it was quite calm and peaceful, possibly womb-like, in there though the tranquillity was shattered by The Clown’s constant chuckling and Magnus asking, “Do you remember how to get them out?”
I bet McGoohan never had to put up with this.
They bounced me about like a beachball for a bit and then it was time to re-emerge, which firstly involved me sticking my head back out of the opening and into the lovely fresh air.
Which was when I realised our antics had attracted a sizeable audience, including many gawping kiddywinkles, and a BBC camera crew…
The crowd cracked up as I sat with my head sticking out of a Pacman-like inflated body, though one little girl looked perturbed when I said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing at, you’re next!”
Getting the balloon back over my shoulders was the only bity that hurt and I’m convinced The Clown deliberately twanged the rubber painfully against my nipples.
This is why men shouldn’t have them.
“It’s a boy!” cried Magnus as I emerged to quite touching applause but the boys from Circus – The Show weren’t down with humiliating me yet.
Still sweating from the confines of my latex prison, I was handed over to Richard Sullivan, the ludicrously handsome Human Who Juggles, for a quick masterclass in his craft.
“I hope you’re not one of those guys who thinks he can juggle just by tossing one ball up and dribbling the other into his other hand?” he asked, only to declare, “Yup, he’s a dribbler” when I gave a shame-faced demonstration.
Now, when I say Richard had 20 minutes to get me to juggle three balls properly, do you reckon he managed it?
Of course he didn’t. I am to hand-eye coordination what King Herod was to babysitting.
But that’s not Richard’s fault. He’s a juggling genius who spent three years at the University of Dance and Circus in Stockholm honing his skills, and it took every ounce of his icy calm and control not to scream in frustration as the balls I was “juggling” thudded to the ground with infuriating regularity.
And it’s testament to his expertise that after just 20 minutes I genuinely felt that I was THAT close to successfully juggling those three balls.
After dedicating my every waking moment to it for the next six months…
But if it’s circus skills and infectious laughter you’re after, then Circus – The Show is a sure-fire hit for all the family.
Circus The Show, 10.50, Underbelly George Square, until August 26
https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/circus-the-show
The same team is also behind a magic show that is strictly for adults
https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/adults-only-magic-show
