While large-scale office bashes remain thin on the ground, the festive party season is very much upon us. With it comes the potential for a month of cumulative hangovers. Happily, your correspondent has, over the years, gained much hard-won experience in this field. Here are some tips to help ensure that the morning after is more merry than murderous.
It is not rocket science. The most obvious solution is not to drink alcohol. If you want to dodge the hangover, dodge the hooch. Abstinence is not for all but increasingly there is a reaction against the normalisation of alcohol which has been taking place since the Nineties. Not everybody seems to have received the memo though. The days of ruddy-faced drinkers cajoling non-drinkers at parties are by no means over but, along with casual sexism (other isms are available), such behaviour is much less tolerated.
If you need a camouflage prop to deflect unwanted encouragement to have ‘just the one’ then ice, a slice and tonic easily passes as a G’n’T. Any bar staff worth their salt should have a selection of interesting booze-free drinks on offer and it’s also worth remembering that the range of decent low and no alcohol beers is increasing. BrewDog may not be making many new friends at the moment but their Nanny State beer is not bad at all.
For many, total abstinence is not on the cards but they would still like to wake up without a throbbing head stuck to the pillow or, worse, a nagging fear that HR will want a chat on Monday morning. Will power and common sense aside, proper planning can help. Eating is not cheating and lining your stomach can help soften the impact of drinking half a dozen too many.
Without wishing to state the bleedin’ obvious, sipping a glass of water between alcoholic drinks will not only keep you hydrated but should also slow down the rate of intake. Possibly because you may end up spending more time visiting the loo than visiting the bar but a win is a win.
Dedicated booze hounds will be aware that there is a hierarchy of hangover-causing drinks. Those most likely to render you ashen-faced the next day include red wine, dark spirits and fortified wines such as port. After some teenage experimentation, dark rum still remains a personal bête noire some three decades later.
White wine and beer offer safer territory but not if you drink eight pints of 8%ABV Old Skull Splitter Ale. Same goes for Pinot Grigio by the bucket. While on the subject of measures, those large 250ml measures of wine – that is a third of a bottle – do not encourage moderation. Ditto doubles of spirits. Doing shots is, of course, the Devil’s work. Cocktails are not necessarily an immediate cause for concern but since few customers know exactly how much of each ingredient is in them, it can be hard to keep track of how much you are drinking.
Timing is another factor especially when combined with advancing years. If you are still of an age when a nightclub looks enticing then you will probably be able to stay out all night, have a tactical chunder before grabbing two hours sleep and feel annoyingly perky not long after waking up.
Readers of a more mature vintage will know that being in bed by midnight can help avoid the worst effects of any excess. For a start, you have cut out the risk of quaffing for too long. Just as importantly, you have maximised the opportunity for sleeping off or through any unpleasantness. By the time you hit thirty, the chances of anything fun happening after midnight are much reduced anyway.
If you have overdone it and need to cure your hangover then good luck. Should a genuine, 100% effective cure exists then I have yet to stumble, bleary-eyed across it. Suggestions welcome. While the following won’t cure a hangover, they may help.
If possible, go back to bed having first swallowed a couple of painkillers and a pint of water. Time and sleep are your best friends in this situation. You may not feel like it but, at some point, a walk in the fresh air can help blow away any morning after existential angst. Some people swear by a fry-up or something soft and soothing like soup, porridge or congee. Liquids certainly help but not alcoholic ones.
A Bloody Mary hair of the dog may seem like a good idea but it only delays the pain. Not to mention it being a slippery slope that leads to a hellish morning after the morning after. A friend swears by a post breakfast cocktail of brandy and port but seldom looks any healthier after imbibing it.
Have a very merry Christmas. If you do overdo it, may your hangover be brief but potent enough to encourage a little more moderation the next time.
By Jonathan Trew
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